Disbelief is Fidelity

It is not so much that I disbelieve all that is put under the banner of Christianity, my particular opiate of choice, but rather that I do not believe it enough. I have friends who believe more consistently than I and in some sense the easiest answer to why I don't believe as they do is: they are wrong. Or, more bluntly, their version of God is wrong. But that isn't right either. I refuse to believe consistently in some regards if only because I like to think I'm caring for others. My love for the Other demands I disbelieve that which my religion demands I believe.