words made holy unware

empty the words
enter the stomach
exit through by
the internal pathway into
the soul. by the by the
end of beginnings is the
beginning of ends and no
longer do words
said in jest or anger
frighten me. i can sit
under the wrath of people
inhuman and worldly
religious. i can sit and
sympathize with their
meaningful inanities. nice
people scare me more
than cruel decency in
times of trouble. words
mean stuff mean things mean
to mean something mean to
me. though sensitive i
may be i least have
a soul(less) heart.

Untitled

Here, now, sit I forever 

and ever. Amen. World without 

end nor beginning. As I eat

I eat with trembling hands-

lack of food or liquids or something

other and distant and something?- either

or I eat a new life. Life without end

it speaks as I chew. 

Quotes

“They all think any minute I'm going to commit suicide. What a joke. The truth of course is the exact opposite: suicide is the only thing that keeps me alive. Whenever everything else fails, all I have to do is consider suicide and in two seconds I'm as cheerful as a nitwit. But if I could not kill myself -- ah then, I would. I can do without nembutal or murder mysteries but not without suicide. ” The Moviegoer, Walker Percy 

Ode to the Dead

Here's to the dead. Not those who've gone before
only. But to those who stand at the door of their
own end. Here's to the endless line that stands
forever at death's door. Some knock, and some,

the tragic few, kick the door in, rushing through.
This is a toast to those who have crossed the
divide and torn the curtain in two. This is for
those who await the crashing. And this is for
those who were shoved through too soon.
Be at peace.

To Be Determined

1.

My lovely dances in the moonlight

always moving, an image of fluidity

and grace. She always dances to a

specific rhythm and beat. Nothing 

can stop her and her indomitable

spirit. Her dance is a fight, a cry, a

raging against the sadness and the

deadness of the world today. My

lovely dances in the moonlight.

2. 

Oh, oh, look in the mirror young

one. Oh,

tell me what you see. See a light

shining in your eyes as you try to

smile. Those glittering moments

when you can see past the evil,

past the dark,

are fleeting. There and gone and 

back again like a ghost that never

can or ever will quit.  

3.
Not sure what this all means or even
stands for. Not really sure I want to.
But I can't say I never will know. To
search and wonder and pray and breathe
and sleep, that is the fullness of life. To
feel the curve of your lovers body on yours
and the smell of their sweat is the fullness
of being.

4.

I sit, silently.

5.

God, the silence that speaks, through whom
and in whom and by whom we live, move,
and have our being. 

Untitled n. 4

Walk into the sunlight
watching the car

pulling into the driveway
across from you. Observe

and watch and learn
as the woman clambers

out. Breasts singing as
they go up and down

with each breath. Observe
and cross the line. In

the soul everything goes
a-flutter. Something is

happening, occurring
and stirring.

Untitled n. 2

Flick the lighter and watch as the sparks give rise to flame. The flame moves fluidly, from blue to yellow, left to right, back and forth, always in motion. Feel the warmth on the hand. Feel it as it moves from warmth to pain. Then let go and the flame dies a sudden death. Put thumb to the metal roller and feel the skin sear and seemingly melt, only to be left with a tingling feeling, one of pain and humor. Flick the lighter again again again.

Why I Need Fiction

I love non-fiction. I love theology, philosophy, all of it makes me deeply happy. Especially if it's grumpy or snarky. But I need a hiatus from the world of so-called reality from time to time. Actually, a lot of the time. Many of my peers seem to be obsessed with the abstract world of ideas. Ideas are wonderful but fiction, in many ways, grounds those ideas.
   Non-fiction is not bad. I'm not saying that. What I am saying, however, is that too much in one realm - theology and/or philosophy specifically - (especially for a Christian) can be harmful. And, no, it's not because they just need to get back to the bible. After a while we are able to deal with these ideas in a sequential manner and logically explain dogmas and doctrine but where is the joy? How do we ground ourselves and give feet to our ideas? More importantly, how do I, as a Christian, learn?
   The last question, it seems to me, is the one which needs answering. When I grew up I was told what was right, what was wrong and how to properly live, yes. But I learned from experience, from stories. Whether those stories were bible stories or just stories from Aesops or some other text, I learned little tidbits of wisdom and how to live. There is a reason the bible is a story and not a systematic theology. Everywhere stories form our identities. Which stories form us? Why do they form us? Are we, in a sense, the children of an ongoing tapestry of stories, an interweaving of ideas and identities?
   As such, it seems that, while important, non-fiction theological works seem to be more geared to our growth in knowledge but rarely, it seems, as full people living in a world of delights and pain. Am I saying fiction is better? In some ways, yes. Simply by virtue of the fact that it actually has characters living in some reality, living out some ethical system, and actually just being. Because, truly, in some mystical mumbo jumbo way, the characters of fiction do, in fact, exist. They exist for us as people who we admire, someone to hold on to, someone who actually instills in us some sort of emotion. Last time I checked no theological text ever brought me to tears, anyone for that matter. If it did let me know and we'll pray for you. But, no. Fiction does something for us, it stays with us. I can't remember certain doctrinal trivialities but I can remember, clearly, scenes from novels that stuck out to me and were transformative in my thought process.
   None of this, though, is hard and fast. If you love theology: wonderful. But consider reading fiction to ground your ideas and to interact with ideas in a very real sense. Logic is wonderful but it rarely impacts the way a story can. The bible is theological but it is a story, it is very much about reality and deals in the real, material, and sometimes immaterial, world. As Peter Leithart puts it in his book Against Christianity, (paraphrased), "Theology is a Victorian enterprise...have you ever read a theological work that mentions menstruation, disembowelment, castration?"  The point is this: theological works are all well and good but often separated from the story of the bible, a story grounded in the real world with real world problems.

   Thoughts? Complaints?